Continuing my observations about Chaim Potok’s character Asher Lev and the difficulty of a liminal existence, Part II investigates the solution which involves a bit of self discovery leading to action.
Of course this suggests the necessity of a self-knowledge that is often uncomfortable, even dangerous. Despite what I thought of myself in junior high with all of the confidence in the world, I was not a burgeoning Wall Street mogul. I must ask, “What defines me in such a way that is beyond compromise?” I would not put at risk the relationship with my father to be a stock-broker not because being a stock-broker is bad or wrong, but because it is not who I am. I am a poet. I am a person of belief. I cannot stop writing. I cannot stop praying. All of which requires a conscious prioritizing of life. I do not have time for some things. These are often the things others greatly regard, which opens the door for scorn and dismissal. At times I appear insensitive, selfish, or uncaring, but it is not so.
Instead, it is an acknowledgment of a unique vocation all the more significant because it may well be left undone without my whole-hearted embrace. As Asher says late in the book contemplating whether or not to finish his masterwork, a crucifixion which will ultimately ostracize him from his family and community, “I [cannot] be the whore to my own existence.” He keeps painting. He keeps praying, knowing full well the rejection surely to follow.
The full article can be found on Macedonia Films website: How I’m Damned & What I’m Doing About It – Part II.
